Yesterday Afternoon (Gross Story-Sorry!)

So yesterday afternoon, I headed to my doctor’s office for a check-up.  Regular lady visit and all.

Anyway, my doc is near Water Tower Place–which in case you’re not from Chicago, is a giant mall at the top of Michigan Avenue.  It’s been there forEVer and I used to go there when I was a teen and drool over all the Le Sportsac purses there, because there was a Le Sportsac store there in the 80’s.  (There was also a Rizzoli bookstore there, as well.  I used to go and drool over the giant expensive art books there, as well.)

So, I decide that I’m going to go visit one of my former students (and current performers.  I won’t say who, so as to discourage stalkers) and I head into the giant makeup store there, which is where she works.  I head in, examine all of the products from Make Up For Ever (OMG.  Must.  Buy.  Everything.  They.  Make.), pick up a pair of eyelashes–she was not working and I had not a huge budget, so I moved along–and then decide to head upstairs, because I couldn’t remember whether or not Water Tower was the place with the Max Studio store–it was not.

On the way, I remember the populations of people I try to avoid in downtown Chicago: Tourists, pre-teens with money, teens with money, and people from the suburbs.  They just don’t move quickly enough for this big City girl.

I pop off the elevator and there’s one of those hot pretzel places at the top.  I’m like, “Yum!”  So I order a pretzel, because it’s going to be a while before my date with T.  Procure pretzel and head back down escalators.

Oh my god then it all goes wrong.  I get VERY nauseated and almost throw up.  Seriously, I had to run across the mall at top speed to the bathroom and gag into le toilet.  It was sudden, violent, and frightening.  One second you’re eating a pretzel, then the next, HRLLLLACCCK.

Needless to say, I threw the remaining pretzel out and jumped on the bus and went home.  Yuck.

Helpful Hint: Don’t buy hot pretzels at the mall.  In fact, don’t even go to the mall.  It will make you ill.

Two Pounds? Really?

Things are still busy. Last night was fun–I went to my costume class lab and me and ChiStageDiva traced one of my bras onto some scrap fabric to learn how to make patterns. We made two bullet bra cups and the halter part. My homework is to sew them together.

The coolest part was when I was explaining my martini act and she told me that she’d seen it. She said that it was one of the most entertaining things she saw at Beastwomen and couldn’t believe that was me. Nice compliments. I really need to get good video of that act, once the new costume is done. I think it’s one of my strongest pieces right now.

Tonight will be fun. I’m meeting K at the studio so we can go through our acts for this weekend. I’m so glad that she and I reconciled. It was a long time in coming–we were such good friends and I was so sad when we got mad at each other. I’m so happy to have her back in my life and it’s nice to have my old collaborator back. She and I were always such a good fit. We’re gonna re-work something from the archives and start work on some top-secret new acts.

And speaking of my excellent friends who I miss, I’m meeting E for coffee on Saturday before class. I’m giving her the mini-sombreros I got for her and Aunty in Mexico. (I bought eight of them total, in many colors. K gets one too, and CruelV, for teaching my class while I was gone.) I adore Ms. E and I’m so glad whenever we manage to carve out a minute to spend together.

And speaking of REALLY REALLY old friends…I just got back into contact with a pile of people I knew in San Francisco when I lived there, through Facebook. I found my old roommate Bridget Alias (not her real name–we were all on this crazy BBS and had “handles” back in the day) and I’ve been writing back and forth with her. It’s so amazing that this BBS (SFNET) made a Facebook group. I’ve been out of touch with those folks for going on ten years and they were who I knew and hung out with when I was young. It was such a small tightly-knit group; I’m so very grateful for Facebook for putting me back in touch. Amazing.

This weekend is crazy crazy. T’s super cool parents are in town (how glad am I that they are chill and nice and a pleasure to hang out with? SUPER), I have three shows, and we’re doing auditions for Girlie-Q. There are a bunch of new ladies signed up–I’m so excited! It’s going to be nice to see some fresh faces.

Sidenote: My music is on “shuffle” from last night’s Facebook note-writing and Judas Priest just came on. Too much for first thing. I had to switch it to Herb Alpert.

Diet Update: So, I have been on this diet since January (1,500 calories a day) and I’d been feeling like I’m really getting into “fighting weight”, so I was excited to get weighed yesterday at the doctor (I went in for my annual). The last time I was weighed was probably January, so I was stoked. I was horrified when the nurse told me I’d only lost 2 pounds. BOOOOOO. I was so upset when I left the office, figuring that my vacation had blown any gains made. And I was starving yesterday afternoon due to my super-lean lunch, so that did not help me feel any better. I went right to Jimmy John’s and got dinner–because I was sad and wanted something delicious I could not eat on my diet.

So then last night I went to costume lab and the teacher measured me to determine which pattern size we were going to use…And I decided to enter my measurements into the site I’m using to track my diet…And I’ve lost four inches from my waist and an inch from my bust. So, I guess the moral of the story is that the number does not matter. It’s how you look & feel (well, and that there is progress in some fashion)

Back to the diet, I say.

All right. Must jump and go to the real life I lead (where glitter application is not a job requirement. Which is sad.) At least the weather’s gonna warm up today.

Mas later.

xox

Friends in Need, Friends in Deed

Do I really have time to write this? Probably not–I have a 9:30 meeting downtown this morning and I need to leave in about 45 minutes. But I want to get back into the flow of writing.

Last night I went to visit a friend who is in the hospital. She is a new-ish friend (friend of friends) who I have some ties to through performance. She is my age and she had a stroke–no warning, no drugs involved, she just up and had a stroke. Her doctors are trying to figure out why.

This is a scary notion. That you would just be living your life pretty healthily and you might somehow just have some kind of crazy medical emergency. Luckily, she was with some other pretty responsible people I know (again, through performance) and they took her to the emergency room, remaining calm through the experience.

The other thing is that she doesn’t have insurance. That is even scarier. I offered to help, writing a letter or somehow putting together an event to help her with funds. But it’s very frightening, the state of the medical field. The idea that someone (who does not have insurance) might choose or elect to go without something that might keep them alive (she is not considering that–but I know that people do) because they are not insured for it–well, that is just downright disgusting to me.

She was saying that one of the nice things about being in the hospital and being incapacitated (in some ways–and yes, she is looking on the bright side. Seems like she does that. I’m glad to see it.) is that you begin to know who your friends are or at least who can handle real problems. You learn to accept help when it is needed.

I told her that I came because last year I went to the emergency room by myself (Bell’s Palsy) for about 13 hours one day and it totally sucked. The experience was more lonely than I care to focus on (I slept a lot because I was so overwhelmed and scared that day…) and I would never want someone else I know to have to go through that. And that I like her and that I think that she’s a good person and I want to make friends.

I feel a new expansiveness and a sense that if someone I know is in need, I need to answer that call. I’m not sure where it comes from–I was pretty tired last night and I came close to blowing it off (there were a litany of good excuses I could come with). But then I thought about it and I decided that wasn’t who I am trying to be these days. I am trying to make different choices about these things and I remembered the time in the Emergency Room last summer.

That did it. I hopped on the bus and went to the hospital.

Overwhelming Week

Whew. Last week was overwhelming.

The other day, after HITS was in the shower forever, I kind of lost it on her (about the shower, about the dishes, about the trash). I’m not really happy with how I lost my cool, but it was super duper annoying, all of it–Her residence in the shower for 40 minutes on a day when I have to be somewhere and the mess problem building and building. And on top of it, the schedule she posted to say when she needed to leave the house was inaccurate. That’s really the most annoying (and it is still the same schedule posted, five days later. Um? Wanna let us know the real schedule, please?) part.

That was Wednesday morning. She hasn’t really spoken to me since then. I don’t really blame her, but her inability to talk any conflict through or take any initiative in communication is alarming. I wish she would just start to take care of her shit and communicate like a normal person. I’m not making the first move because frankly, I just don’t care. I have no more energy for it–I’m biding my time until I get a job and can move.

On Wednesday night, I went to Big Chicks and met with the owner. Me and Poetess are moving Dyke Mic there! It’s so exciting. I’m really stoked. Then Poetess came with me to Special Lady T’s house and we had dinner and they got to know each other a little bit. That part was really nice–She’d made some really good lentil soup and some pasta and salad. We drank some wine and mostly they visited while I tried to install some software on SLT’s computer. We hung out for a bit and then Poetess left and we went to bed.

Then in the morning, we had some more smokin’ hot sex (it just get better and better. I feel so lucky and happy. I mean, honestly, better than all of the people I have had sex with in the last year put together.) and then she went for a run and I slept in a bit. Then she went to work and I puttered around her house until it was time for me to go in.

Thursday day was totally fucked–it was the worst weather of the winter. I went to two doctors (gyne and the podiatrist) and got very discombobulated in the process. It was terrible weather (snow piled up everywhere, traffic snarled at a standstill) and getting to and fro was awful. I would have blown it off, but it was my last official day with insurance, so I wanted to get everything taken care of. I went on two buses to Northwestern from the West Loop (where my cool-ass temp job is) and it took over an hour. Then they got me an appointment with a podiatrist that was halfway between the west loop and Northwestern. BUT. I lost my debit card two weeks ago (it should be here any minute) and I didn’t have any cash. So I walked like a mile to the WaMu (I had no idea where one was…I need a map or some cell phone internet or something!) in the terrible weather and while I was eating lunch (which I bought with my last $6) and with the arches aching.

That was the reason for the emergency podiatrist visit. My plantar fascitis has been hurting really badly. Turns out I have a pointy bone spur in my left heel. Well, it least it isn’t my imagination or something.

Found a Wamu, got cash, jumped in a cab, went to podiatrist. They cast my feet for new orthotics and gave me a shot of cortisone. Also a prescription for something to quell the swelling and tenderness. It was so bad that he thought that maybe I had been walking around on a fractured heel. Crazy. Then I went back to the office (did I mention that my cell was missing this whole time?) found my cell on my desk where I left it, got in the car, and went to pick up SLT and Miss P. My car was downtown (because of the weather I drove it in and parked in a lot) so I wanted to make sure that they got home safe in the terrible storm.

It took us an hour and a half to get home. And we live 15 minutes from downtown.

On Thursday night, me and SLT watched some bad TV, ate burritos and went to bed early. I was exhausted from the day of running around, driving an hour and half in the snow mess, and spending time/money on cabs and transit. I had a mini-crying fit that night. My heel was hurting so badly and I was feeling emotionally spent.

There was a moment where SLT chided me for having some road rage. She was right to do it, but it added to the overall overwhelm. So when I got home, I kind of broke down and cried a little bit. Plus, I think I was low-blood-sugar in that moment. SLT hugged me and met the crying with, “Come on, baby, let’s get you something to eat and a glass of water.”

Friday was more of the same with the time in the car, heel hurting, etc. I went over to T’s house after work (hers got called off on account of the snow) and we ate leftover soup and salad and watched Factory Girl. It was fun.

Over the weekend, I got a lot done. I spent a good chunk of time at home and I got my laundry taken care of, organized my room (long time coming) and paid some urgent bills. I have a few more to do, but I think that the bulk of the stressful shit might be over.

Yesterday was fun. We went to the Breakfast Club with the Sisters and then I came home alone and buckled down and TCB’d for the afternoon. I also bleached my hair out and went back to red. I think it suits me better. The red I picked is a little vibrant (and I missed a few patches here and there) but overall it’s cute. And I was pleased that I managed to bleached everything out pretty evenly. I have to go back in on Thursday and tone that shit down a bit, but it’s going to be cute when it’s all done.

There were also some very great conversations with SLT over the weekend. There was one about what it was like to be a parent (non-biological) and what she might have to think about in order to be one. I have to say that it is nice to be able to talk all of that stuff through and have a partner who is interested in both doing that with me and is interested in knowing my experience. I told her all about the having babies and the routine of feeding during the first three months and the exhaustion. And also about the rewarding parts. And how I didn’t ever really feel like I was so great at it, but that I learned some patience and that I would definitely be better at it this time around. I also expressed that she was lucky because most lesbians who have babies don’t get the benefit of being with someone who has been the non-biological parent.

I mean, it is the worst and most disgusting thing in the world that El took those kids away from me, but there are some silver linings. Like knowing what it is that I need to process/think about beforehand. And having the benefit of experience to share with my partner.

I know that babies are a ways off, but it’s nice to talk and dream with T. She’s so normal and natural about it all–it’s a great relief. A far cry from what we (me and my friends) have taken to calling the Cavalcade of Freaks (the people I’d been dating for the last few years).

The other great conversation was around her most recent breakup, which was a doozy. We chatted about what it was like for her to have moved all the way to Boston and to have it fall apart so grandly. And then to have her MainGay come out there and rescue her. It was nice to talk with her about that and to have her reflect what was good about it and what was not so good.

In other news, I have a ton of shows coming up. It’s really exciting. Also, I am auditioning again for BeastWomen. It’s all great. My performance career has really been taking off and fruiting. It’s nice to see that (finally) the hard work has paid off.

All right. This has been a seriously long one. I’m going to jump here. Mas later, bitches.

STILL itchy

This is getting really ridiculous.

When will I get relief? WHEN?